I've heard it takes some time to get it right

Funny: last September I was super stressed about my uni finals and I remember the only thing that kept me going was the song "Strong" by London Grammar. I would listen to it every morning, and I don't know why or how, but it just helped me start the day in the right way.

Today is the 1st of September, and I can't help but think about how I am still as stressed as I was last year, but for a completely different reason: I don't know what to do with my life.

There, I said it.

I have spent the past 4 months back at my parents' place, thinking a lot, realizing that I have changed and so did my childhood friends, and crying more than I should.

Then, last week, after some more thinking and procrastinating and delaying, I took a decision: I am leaving. Again.

This summer made me understand that I have spent too much time being too career-oriented, while forgetting the most important thing: to live.

So I am leaving. I am going to Paris, a destination I have been dreaming about for a long, long time. Especially since last September, while I was about to start working on my dissertation that is, basically, a love letter to that beautiful city.

I feel like this is the perfect time to do it: I am sick of home, sick of summer, sick of days that are all the same. For the first time in my life, I have no plans. There is no job/uni/body waiting for me on the other side, this time it's just me. For me.

So with another September comes another London Grammar song to help me pack my suitcase: "Wasting My Young Years". There are so many songs out there whose only aim is to cheer you up, and I could have chosen one of those... but no. This song is perfect right now because I am not gonna lie, I am scared as hell.

As always, doubts and questions and fears are killing me and pulling me back, but then I think: what's the option? Seriously, what will I do if I don't go? Will I keep on wasting my years like I've done so far? Will I keep on chasing old ideas?

No. I won't. This is why I am leaving. This is why I am taking a risk. And who knows, maybe I'll be back in a week, shaking and crying and broke, but I want to try. Just this one time.