100 Years

I believe in you
And in our hearts we know the truth
And I believe in love
And the darker it gets, the more I do
Try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light
And the days will become endless
And never, and never turn to night
And never, and never turn to night


Then it's just too much
I cannot get you close enough
A hundred arms, a hundred years
You can always find me here
And, Lord, don't let me break this
Let me hold it lightly
Give me arms to pray with
Instead of ones that hold too tightly


We have no need to fight
We raise our voices and let our hearts take flight
Get higher than those planes can fly
Where the stars do not take sides

I let him sleep and as he does
My held breath fills the room with love
Hurts in ways I can't describe
My heart bends and breaks so many, many times
And is born again with each sunrise
And is born again with each sunrise

Funerals were held all over the city
The youth bleed in the square
And women raged as old men fumbled and cried
"We're sorry, we thought you didn't care, oh"
And how does it feel now you've scratched that itch?
How does it feel?
And pulled out all your stitches
Hubris is a bitch
A hundred arms, a hundred years
A hundred arms, a hundred years

I sing

I don't think I've ever covered this subject here, but... I sing.

I have been taking singing classes for... almost 4 years now, and it is probably (definitely) my biggest pride and joy.

One of the worst things about this pandemic, for me, has been not being able to meet my teacher and sing into a microphone.

So we resorted to online lessons, but it's just not the same.

Today, she told me that from June on we will start doing live lessons again, and I honestly cannot wait.

There's just something about singing my heart out, even though I'm not singing my own lyrics... I simply love it and it makes me feel GOOD.

Of course there are times when my voice is not at its best, or when I feel tired, or when my teacher frustrates me... but apart from that, it is always an experience that fuels me.

All I want to do is improve and be able to sing my favorite songs.

I don't know if I will ever be a proper singer, or if I'll just keep singing between four walls. But I do know this: I'll keep going for as long as I can.

Sometimes I forget about the power of music, whether it is because I'm buried in my work or simply distracted by other things, but then I remember why I need it.

Because it pushes me forward, because it liberates me.

And with singing, I seem to have found a new dimension that allows me to do that even more.

It allows me to forget about everything around me, everything that brings me down. When I sing, all my worries disappear and I can just get lost in the music, the lyrics, the rhythm.

It's really hard to explain, but it's a wonderful sensation.

Ok.

Bye.

Isolation

Wow, I have just read my last blog entry and it was almost a year ago.

What has changed since then?

Well, I still live in the same flat, although I am not there at the moment.

Where am I? Funny you should ask... I am at my parents' place, due to a global pandemic that recently changed all our lives.

And we don't know how long it's going to last. And we don't know what's going to happen.

I am currently debating whether I should even keep paying rent (of course I will), but should I just tell my landlord that I'm leaving?

How do you move house during an emergency of such scale?

When will I know what the fuck to do?

It's quite interesting that I was still asking myself this last question, the last time I wrote, but now it has acquired a completely different meaning.

Now everyone feels like this. We all feel the same way, at the same time, but not together.

This is why I'm at my parents'. I am (sort of) okay feeling like this.

What I am not okay with, is feeling alone.

So I'm here.

And their puppy has just chewed up one of my favorite (if not the absolute best) bras...

Oh god.

I better go.

PS: this post absolutely SUCKED but I just wanted to write something.