For real though.
I am so. fucking. angry. at some stupid BOY and I decided to come back on here.
I was reading some old posts and while some were remarkably wise and adult (considering I wrote them), generally speaking they made me so. fucking. depressed.
I am still the same! I never fucking learn! I always write the same shit!
That's probably because I always LIVE the same shit. Over and over again. Until it destroys me.
Take this, guy, for example (who happens to be the same guy of the past 3 years, by the way):
We had a fight. Like a big, huge, terrible fight. Said horrible things to each other, I honestly, honestly wanted him dead. Fast forward to one month-ish later, and I went back to him like a fucking idiot.
And it's not like he wanted me back. He stayed the hell away from me, just like I wanted. Just like we both wanted. But then I started missing him, so I went back. And - long story short - we just can't be together, so he told me to let it go. BUT I CAN'T FUCKING LET IT GO! How lame is that?
How lame is it that I am so hungry for attention, any attention, that I let this guy treat me like shit?
And the thing is, I told my friend (who knows us both) about this, and he literally asked me: "Do you want to suffer? You know he's gonna make you suffer, don't you?".
This is so simple. And I know that if I were the friend looking at it from the outside, I would say the exact same thing, because I've been that friend. And yet here I am.
Starving. For him.
What the fuck is wrong with me?